Ya, Ya, Ya…but was your American flag ‘Made in China?’ DATING as a Conservative American Women.
THE FIRST DATE:
“Hi. Very nice to meet you K.C. My name is Ron. I’m 49 years old.
I have two children… ages 18 and 16.
I’ve been divorced for 9 years. I live in Duxbury, Massachusetts on the water.
I’m an electrician. I like country music. I enjoy watching UFC fighting.
I am the youngest of three children. My parents are still alive and they have been married for 56 years. I’m looking for a long term relationship.
I am a fairly good cook and please allow me to say, I really admire your beautiful blue eyes….”
“YA, YA, YA…but are you a Conservative?!”
Now we all know, I would never begin a date like that… but the struggle is real. So in good humor, I am going to share it with you.
My Short Story-
My name is KC. I’m divorced. I’ve done the online dating websites. Several of them.
And I D E S P I S E the process. My thesaurus cannot provide me a better word option for the word, DESPISE. Online dating is a tedious task. The messaging, the small talk, the waiting, the weeding through.
Online dating is like going into a restaurant and the waitress puts the menu on the table and the menu weighs more than your head. ENDLESS options. Which made the choosing near impossible.
The Thousands of profiles. The ‘Not Enough Information’ profiles, the ‘Too Much Information’ profiles.
The messages from men that were, well…less than polite.
The 0 to 60 in 5 seconds, weirdos “Hi. My name is Ricky. You’re beautiful, can I have your digits?”
The ‘Like HELL I believe that’s your actual picture profiles’.
And the spelling errors! (OH MY GOD!!!)
I could go on and on in describing the unpleasantries of online dating…and I really could.
What I mean is…I would rather enjoy doing that right now. Sarcastically reminiscing the experiences I had.
I would actually enjoy writing about some of them. Because it would be comical for me. And for you! And I rather enjoy humoring myself.
I could tell you all kinds of very specific and ridiculous stories.
But I won’t…because we are here for another purpose.
But, to make myself crystal clear, I really did hate it.
And I hate to date.
I am not pretentious. Oh, I suppose we all have at least a ‘tad’ of that in us, used for important moments,
but real pretension? Nope. That’s not me.
I’m not exactly sure what a guy is thinking about when he himself is getting ready for a blind date.
I know for me, it’s fairly simple.
Does this color shirt complement my pink lip gloss.
Does my hair fall over my left eye okay?
And just HOW can I bring up the subject of Patriotism and Conservatism within the first 10 minutes?
I really don’t have any desire to hang out all night long listening to a strange man using politically correct,
apologetic language as he attempts to impress me by just talking about his new car and his new summer home in New Hampshire. That’s all well and good…and hell if I wouldn’t enjoy snuggling up there in the mountains with a good and loving man. Up there in New Hampshire (the Live Free or Die State), the Libs run rampant there too, who are we kidding.
But this is Massachusetts. And finding a TRUE Conservative man here, that isn’t already married and doesn’t mind that I’m a little weird, a bit broke and… as Social as I am, I’m also really a bit antisocial in some parallel universe kind of way.
I don’t do online dating anymore. It’s been a long time.
But, my actual fantasy date would have gone a lot more like this…
“Hi. Very nice to meet you Ron. My name is K.C. I’m 46 years old.
I’d love to hear about your likes and dislikes and what makes you tick and all of that… I truly would.
But before we do…I’d like to ask you a few FUNDAMENTAL questions, just to save us both some time.
If I call Obama a Muzrat would that offend you?
Are you a Liberal?
Do you own a gun or support my right to own one?
Would you ever pay someone named Maria Rodriguez under the table?
Do you believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior?
Do you always stand for the National Anthem?
Do you ever speak politically correct?
And have you ever referred to Bruce Jenner by any other first name?
If we are able to have some understanding about THOSE Things… then please allow me to say… that I really admire your big, strong hands.”